The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
