I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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