my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
