I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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