He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
