office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
