Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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