I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
