Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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