We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
