You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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