it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
