It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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