if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
