She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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