She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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