Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
