can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
