"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i out mim tonsoeep
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
