Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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