Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
