i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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