she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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