Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think weed is turning my hair brown
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
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