I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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