Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
