that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
