Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
