I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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