I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
