with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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