I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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