i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
