I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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