I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
