I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
