You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
