Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
