That's intense
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize