i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize