Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize