yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is Oprah even human
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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