Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
