Moan for me like Helen Keller
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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