porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think my fart just growled at me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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