I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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