i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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