I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
