If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
