even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
