I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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