she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
