you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
