Your mouth is God's brothel.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
