Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize