The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
