it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
