You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
