somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
