this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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