1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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