Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
