I wish I could punch you in the face.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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