Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize