We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
