Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
