Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
