I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
did i walk over a car last night?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
